Mom always said if you have one good friend thats all you need. Since I was a child, I've always valued friendships. Being the only child for 10 years from my biological parents was lonesome and honestly, fun at the same time. I will not sit here and type this like for 10 years . . I was bored AF no! completely wrong. My imagination was wild, and still wild. For the most part I learned things the hard way not having siblings. And thats A okay.
Some could've thought me not having any siblings I would grow up to be very selfish, but it was the total opposite. Sometimes I was too giving and sometimes too honest, but hey -- if you can appreciate the honesty we would be locked for life. I had this unrealistic vision of friendships, based on things I watched of course, I didn't think it came with turmoil or drama. I realized something entering my freshmen year of college that I'll never forget. You don't need a crowd to make the moves you need to make in life and you don't need a crew to validate you.
When I was by myself, I wanted to fit in. I wanted to understand what it was like to have siblings, I didn't understand how people didn't value that unbreakable bond. As a child I would admire sibling relationships because although it wasn't perfect they always had each other. There's things I look back on and be like damn, how did I allow that person to treat me that way? why did I want to be friends with someone who was mean to me or envied me? Was I afraid? or was afraid of what I would do? ... All these questions I can answer now without getting emotional.
Sometimes I would allow friends to stay in my life longer than they were needed. I grew into learning about seasons with people and expiration dates. If the people who are in your circle are not adding to you, it's time to hit that delete button. I'm grateful for the friends I've acquired over time and the energy I receive from them. There's nothing like having friends that will call you out on your shit, and will also laugh and cry with you. I love that my friends will give me my shit neat, not on the rocks .. if they gave it to me watered down, definitely would be offended.
Me, being me, I felt a little prideful venting to my friends, because damn I don't want to burden you with my baggage. You have your own baggage and maybe even some suitcases of things you don't want to throw out yet, and here I am adding to your pile of shit. Just recently, on the train to work, I was texting underground (MTA you the shit for that) my friend said sometimes we don't realize that when we are going through things, our friends are waiting to hear from us. Then, of course it dawned on me, why the hell don't I turn to those friendships when I'm facing something? Isn't that what friendships are made for? It really struck a cord in my heart, because I couldn't put it together as to why I would feel the way I do.
Friendships are made of sugar and spice, well at least my friends are ridiculous, funny, intelligent, driven, down to earth, loving, free-spirited, mothers and overall badasses. They make life a whole lot easier when the tide gets too high, and my behind is not Michael Phelps (Yet). Over my course of friendships I've learned so much from the individuals I've kept. Some friendships were only beneficial for one individual, some were just because we were superficially attracted to each others representation and over time realized we don't fuck with each other on other levels, and others were just part of that season.
Always bite the apple and spit the seeds out.
Value your circle, eliminate the shade, lift one another, and water each other.
With lots of love and bubbly.